


Five - or Six - Conversations in the Room of Requirement

by fade_like_starlight



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Room of Requirement Shenanigans, but she lets him know about it, kids being kids, kids being spies, minor non consensual kiss?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-28 23:45:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11428737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fade_like_starlight/pseuds/fade_like_starlight
Summary: Spies, lipgloss, booze, seduction, revenge, success - the Room hears it all.





	Five - or Six - Conversations in the Room of Requirement

**Author's Note:**

> originally written 2007. A couple of small lines stolen from Buffy and Firefly.

**1.** 'In Muggle culture, they call this a 'honey trap,' Padma told Seamus, delicately dabbing black stuff on her eyelashes. 'During war - even peacetime - one side sends in a female spy to seduce the enemy and gain access to their secrets.'

Seamus was suddenly aware of his fists balled tightly behind his back. 'You won't be seducing anyone,' he said, calm and controlled.

She looked over at him, raspberry lipgloss in one hand. 'Yes, I will,' she said. 'That's the whole point, Seamus. The plan doesn't work otherwise.'

'I don't want you to.'

She kissed him, quickly, then kept applying her makeup. 'I don't know what we're doing here -' she pointed to him with her lipgloss, then herself - 'but that's not really your call, I'm afraid.'

'It's too dangerous,' he said, aware of how weak his argument was.

'Oh, and Neville and Ginny and Luna stealing the sword wasn't? You and Terry breaking into the staffroom wasn't? This is a lot less dangerous, Seamus. For one, I actually plan to be invited into the Slytherin common room.'

Padma combed out her dark hair, and Seamus reached out to stroke it. 'But Malfoy - really? Does it have to be?' His voice was a little pleading, and he winced, hating the jealousy.

She turned to face him. 'If it helps, I'll be thinking of you,' she said softly.

'It doesn't,' he said, 'but so long as you come back to me, I'll try not to punch his lights out when I see you with him.'

 

**2.** 'I don't even want to know what you're doing,' Neville announced as he dropped his bag in the corner of the Room of Requirement.

'What?' Seamus asked innocently. 'We're just having a little drink.'

'That's Firewhiskey,' Neville pointed out, 'and Ernie is, shall we say, pissed.'

'Neville! You're magnificent, Neville,' Ernie said, grinning broadly.

'You're on your own if McGonagall find out,' Neville said, taking out his Herbology homework and settling onto the couch to work on it.

'Just a bit of fun, Neville,' Michael said, a little glassy eyed himself. ' 'Sides, won't Shape be snitty with us.'

'You want a shot, Nev?' Seamus asked, in considerably better shape than the others.

'No, thanks,' Neville said. 'I'd rather keep all my appendages, some of which you're sure to lose when you're caught.'

'The teacher's'll never know,' Michael said. 'We'll do a Sobery Charm.'

' _Sobering_ ,' Neville said, 'and I meant the girls. You do remember the girls, right? Lavender, Susan, _Parvati_... especially Parvati. She will hex your - well, appendages clean off.'

'Oh, Parvati,' Ernie sighed. 'She so pretty.'

Michael raised one eyebrow - impressively, Neville thought, considering the circumstances. 'You hate Parvati,' Michael said. 'You called her a fluttering idiot just yesterday.'

Seamus grinned, slipping something back into his pocket. 'Hey, Ernie? Next time you see Parvati, you should just snog her, okay? She'd really like it.'

Ernie grinned and nodded, reaching for the bottle. Neville sighed, wondering if he should warn Parvati. No, actually, it was Seamus and Ernie who should be warned, and he'd tried that.

The door opened. 'You wanted me, Seamus?' Parvati asked. 'It better be important, I was in the library doing that stupid -' she was cut off as Ernie jumped up and rushed over, only tripping a little bit. Hannah slipped into the Room behind her and sat next to Neville.

'What's going on?' she whispered.

'Don't ask,' he shrugged.

'Ew! McMillan, get the fuck off me,' Parvati shrieked suddenly. Seamus and Michael burst into laughter while Ernie looked at Parvati forlornly.

'But I love you,' he said sadly.

'Ew!' she shrieked again, pulling her wand out and pointing it at him. 'Get over there! Get away from me, or I swear, you will regret it - FINNEGAN! This is your doing, you bastard, oh, don't you hide from me, you'll pay for this!'

'Aw, come on, Parvati, you love us, really,' Seamus smiled brightly.

'Did you know about this?' Parvati snapped at Neville.

He held his hands up. 'Not a clue, I swear.'

She glared at Seamus. 'You'll keep, Finnegan. And you, Corner. You - ' she poked her still-outstretched wand towards Ernie a couple of times - 'stay _away_ from me.'

She stalked out of the room. There was silence for a second, until Seamus and Michael burst into laughter.

'Rock on, McMillan, that was fan-fucking-tastic,' Seamus whooped.

Hannah shook her head. 'I don't think she was very impressed with you lot,' she said, trying to sound disapproving.

'I don't think she likes me,' Ernie said sadly. 'Another drink, barkeep!' he perked up, reaching for the bottle.

Neville got up and pulled Hannah to her feet. 'You lot are screwed if she goes for McGonagall,' he said as they left.

Seamus and Michael looked at each other in horror. 'Better have another drink, then,' Seamus shrugged.

 

**3.** 'So, when are you going to tell her?'

Neville looked at Padma blankly. 'Tell her?'

'Hannah,' Lavender said. 'We're not stupid, Neville, and you're not an idiot, so don't pretend you don't know what we mean.'

'I _don't_ know what you mean,' he said, struggling to understand. He'd been happily working at his Charms homework in the Room when the girls snuck in and surrounded him.

'You like her,' Parvati explained slowly. 'And she likes you. Now, she's not going to say anything, because she doesn't know that you like her. But now, you know that she likes you, so it's up to you to let her know.'

Neville felt dizzy. 'Huh?' he said.

'Look, we can make it easy,' Susan said. 'I know her schedule, so I know she has Ancient Runes tomorrow after breakfast. I also know that you have Muggle Studies right near her classroom, because I have it with you. And I know you have Herbology with her after that, because so do I. All you have to do is follow me tomorrow after Muggle Studies. And not get in trouble in class.'

'I don't like - ' Neville started.

'Bullshit,' Parvati said. 'We've all seen you. Listen to Susan, you stupid boy.'

'Follow me, and we'll go pick up Hannah, then I'm going to talk to Ernie and leave you with Hannah.'

'And you have to tell her,' Lavender said, 'or we will.'

'You won't like it if we tell her,' Padma said.

'We'll string a banner over the Quidditch pitch,' Parvati said.

'Or we'll have it written in clouds across the Great Hall ceiling.' Lavender grinned deviously.

'Or we'll just tell _everyone_ ,' Susan said, 'and let it get back to her, and then she'll think you're a coward, and not a Gryffindor, for not telling her.'

'She would not!' Lavender exclaimed, put out over the slight against Gryffindor.

Susan glared at her.

'So you should just tell her,' Lavender said hurriedly.

'I - ' Neville said weakly.

'Okay, then!' Padma patted his arm as the girls rose. 'Don't forget, we tell each other everything, so Susie'll know by the end of Herbology if you've told her, and we can have it all over school by lunch if you haven't.' They left, and Neville tapped his quill on his parchment.

'I guess I'll tell her, then,' he said to no one.

 

**4.** 'I'll tell her to lay off, if you want,' Padma offered.

'Well, normally, it wouldn't be an issue,' Neville explained, looking uncomfortable. 'But this year, I don't know. It seems pretty stupid to be getting involved in prank wars when we've got so much else to worry about.'

'She doesn't really hate him,' Padma said. 'She's just _bored_.'

'And Seamus isn't exactly backing down,' Susan said. 'He's tormenting Parvati, too. Just as much as she's getting him. Did you see in Astronomy, he charmed all her books to open and close when she was trying to write in them.'

'Well, she spread that rumour about him and Bulstrode,' Terry said. 'I mean, that was just _low_ , even if it was Seamus.'

'Besides, we're kind of at a standstill,' Michael said. 'We can't do anything till we get that Slytherin password. In the meantime, at least the Gryffindor Wars are giving everyone something to talk about.'

'I am _trying_ ,' Padma snapped. 'It's a little hard to gain Malfoy's trust, in case you hadn't realised. But hey, anytime you want to take over trying to seduce the ferret, be my guest!'

'You're doing fine, Padma,' Lavender soothed. 'Ignore Michael, he's just sore that no one's lining up to seduce him.'

'Hmm,' Neville said as Michael glared at Lavender and started protesting. Neville ignored them - Lavender and Michael could almost beat Ron and Hermione for bickering - and pulled a schedule out of his bag. 'Hannah, have you got those Slytherin schedules you nicked from Slughorn?'

Hannah passed them over. Neville quickly shuffled through, pulling one out and comparing it to a schedule in his pile.

'Hmm,' he said again. Hannah stuck her head over his shoulder, reading the schedules.

'Hmm,' she said.

Susan rolled her eyes. 'Are you two going to stop with the humming and tell us what you're thinking - and will you two shut the hell up, please, or just get a damn room!'

Michael broke off telling Lavender she was a useless twit of a girl with stupid hair. 'Sorry,' he said. 'Well, not to you,' he snarked at Lavender.

'I have an idea,' Neville said. 'Padma _is_ doing a great job with Malfoy, trying to get the Slytherin common room password, as well as some inside knowledge on the Death Eaters. But it's no secret that Malfoy's not the Slytherin's golden boy anymore. That's partly why we chose him, of course - he's alone and somewhat vulnerable. Padma has a much better chance of gaining the trust of a downtrodden, if clever, Malfoy than a popular, if stupid, Goyle. And it's more believable. But we probably need someone working the other side, too. Someone to get in with the popular Slytherins, to find out more about what's happening inside the castle. Mike - you have four classes with Pansy Parkinson.'

A quick flash of outrage passed over Lavender's face before she quickly smoothed it over and laughed. 'Oh, yes, that's perfect for Mikey. Making out with Parkinson. Ew.'

'Don't call me Mikey,' he snapped, before grabbing the schedules out of Neville's hand. 'You're right,' he said. 'I'll do it.'

 

**5.** 'You kissed her.'

It was a statement, not a question, but Michael felt the accusation behind it.

'Yes,' he said. 'That was the idea. Seduce and destroy.'

'I didn't notice much destruction.'

'I have the password to Carrow's office. I heard Pansy when she went in to deliver her "reports".'

'Oh, so it's "Pansy" now, is it?'

'What do you want from me, Lavender?' he snapped. 'What can I possibly say? The job was to get close to her and get information. I did that. What, you want me to say I hate her? That I hated it? Fuck that. I didn't, okay? She's a bitch, but yeah, I kissed her.'

'You're a bastard, Corner.' Lavender glared at him, tears shining in her eyes. 'I can't believe you'd do that to -'

'To who? To you? What does it matter to you, Lavender? Why do you care?'

She kissed him.

 

**5b.** Padma stuck her head into the Room. 'I think they've stopped,' she whispered to the people behind her.

Seamus poked his head over Padma's shoulder. 'Yep,' he said loudly. 'They're snogging. Finally.'

Lavender and Michael broke apart, a little embarrassed, as the DA slowly filed into the room.

'So,' Neville said, taking charge as Hannah sat beside him. 'Padma, want to start?'

Padma smiled, a little deviously. 'The password is "belladonna".'

The room erupted in cheers as Neville tried valiantly to keep them all quiet. Across the room, Seamus smiled at her, a slow, secret smile, just for her, and Padma continued. 'I told Malfoy it was off, study came first, etc. The raid itself probably shouldn't be anyone closely connected to me, just to keep our tracks covered.'

Neville grinned. 'We'll take note, thanks, Padma. And well done.'

'I've got good news, too,' Michael said.

'Yeah, we saw,' Parvati teased.

'Not that,' he said, blushing only slightly. Lavender grinned. 'No, I have news about my mission. Pansy delivered reports to the Carrows this morning - I switched the reports when she went to the loo, and I heard her say the password, it's "Lord Salazar".'

There were more cheers as Neville frantically took notes. 'That's great, Mike. We've got heaps to work with, now. Alright, let's split into pairs and do some practice, we'll work out some teams tonight and give you assignments later.'

Parvati lined up against Seamus. 'I think I owe you one,' he said. 'You know, Bulstrode keeps following me.'

'You lay a hand on my sister,' she said, voice like steel, 'and I'll kill you.'

Seamus gulped. 'But we didn't - no one knew!'

Parvati grinned. 'Now we're even,' she said. 'And Padma's big enough to take care of herself, I don't care what she does. I'm a little appalled at her taste, though.'

Hannah was throwing jinxes at Susan when Neville walked up behind her. She jumped.

'Oh, you gave me a start,' she gasped. He leaned in to adjust her grip slightly.

'Want to study in the library with me later?' he asked. 'I'd ask you to Hogsmeade, but that might have to wait till we get out of here.'

'I'd love to,' Hannah accepted with a smile.

Ernie gathered his courage and stepped into line next to Parvati. 'You know, Parvati,' he began.

'McMillan,' Parvati said icily. 'I've told you before. Get away from me.'

Ernie grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in for a kiss. Seamus burst out laughing, and the rest of the DA stopped to watch, laughing and catcalling.

Parvati pulled back, her cheeks flushed. 'MCMILLAN,' she shouted. 'YOU ARE DEAD. I AM GOING TO-' she stopped as the door swung open.

'Hmm,' Professor McGonagall said. 'It appears the ghosts are having a particularly _loud_ party in here. They might like to _keep it down_ , for the sake of the sanity of the teachers.'

She stepped back out and closed the door as the entire room let out a sigh.

'Right,' Neville said, glaring at Ernie and Parvati, 'you heard the lady, keep it down.'

'I am going to kill you very quietly,' Parvati said menacingly.

'Oh, bring it on, Patil,' Ernie grinned back.


End file.
